Erasing the Past, Creating Opportunities

Today I had my second T shot. I still don’t look like Captain America. Dammit. Oh well. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

I am excited when I see posts from trans guys who have been on testosterone for only about month and are already seeing changes. It gives me hope that maybe I’ll actually start seeing changes in myself soon.

I’ve been sick for pretty much the last week, so I can’t speak to things like more energy, heightened sex drive, etc. much to the disappointment of my partner. This flu has knocked me on my ass, so the only thing I have more of is snot and body aches. Go me!

Anyhoo, today I’d like to talk about erasing the past. Recently a friend of mine who is in the process of transitioning, in fact the same person who tried to rain on my parade, posted about going through their Facebook and erasing all evidence of their old female self. When we saw this, my partner said to me that she was glad I wasn’t planning on doing that, erasing who I was.

And I’m not.

Partners and the Past

While I maintain that any decisions I make regarding a full transition (ie. testosterone, top surgery, etc) are mine and mine alone, I have to remember that I’m not the only person that it would affect. While my partner insists that she will 100% support any decision I make, I have to wonder if she’s not at least somewhat disappointed. This isn’t what she signed up for. She left a 14 year heterosexual relationship to finally come out as a lesbian, a difficult task in itself, and now this. After four years of finally coming into her own and being comfortable with her own sexuality, I spring this on her.

In some ways, I feel like a total ass.